From the Intifada into the arms of Jesus: Why I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I was born in Palestine in a small village named Bayt Sahur. My village is approximately a mile from Bethlehem. Bayt Sahur is the village where the shepherds were the day the angel appeared to announce to them the birth of Christ. It is one of the many Palestinian Arab villages in the Holy Land. I lived there my whole life and have seen the Palestinians suffer under the Israeli occupation. I then saw the people of my village and country battle the occupation and demand their rights through what they call the Intifada. During the Intifada I saw many of my friends struck by bullets of the occupation and struck by sticks and being arrested without a clear reason by Israeli soldiers.

The Palestinians were throwing rocks at people who had rifles. Thousands of them have been killed and many have been injured. But most of those Palestinians had no desire to live. This is because the majority of them have been wounded, attacked, or arrested by the occupation. Most of them have also been poor and unable to find anything with which to feed their hungry families. Growing up, I inhaled tear gas so many times that sometimes I thought that my body had become immune to it.

It was the norm that curfew was imposed after someone from the village was killed, so we were subject to curfew a lot. We learned to tend gardens to utilize it during the long days of the curfew. There were many days that the power and water and phone lines were cut off. The hardest days were during the Gulf War, where curfew was imposed upon us for more than a month. We were terrified that Saddam Hussein would use chemical weapons so everyone made airtight rooms in their home to prevent chemical gas from getting into them. From the first day when we heard the warning sirens, me and my father and mother sat in that room. I thought my life would end because we didn’t have gas masks.

During these days and for twenty-five years and I felt that God hated me and hated the Palestinian people. Why did he permit us to suffer like this? I hated being a Palestinian and I hated myself. My family was always fighting and most of the time I felt that I was the reason. But I loved God, who was my only friend in these difficult circumstances. Whenever I faced any problem, I would turn to my Heavenly Father, so I complained to him about all my difficulties. But the only thing that I constantly asked him for was to end my life, because I was convinced that my death would benefit everyone. But he didn’t answer my prayer, so I figured that he didn’t care about me or my situation.

I studied mathematics at the University of Bethlehem, but the university was shuttered for two years by the occupation authorities. This happened after one of the university students shot in the head and killed. I saw this student die when the occupation authorities wouldn’t let him be transported from the university to the hospital. I graduated from the university with a degree in mathematics in 1993. And then I worked as a teacher at the Saint Joseph’s Girls’ School in Bethlehem.

In 1994 I got a scholarship to get a Master’s Degree from an American university in Washington. I was presented with a scholarship for 36,000 dollars every year to cover school and living costs. I decided to go there and get a Masters Degree in statistics, but one day, when I was reading the al-Quds newspaper, I saw an ad offering four scholarships to Brigham Young University in Utah. I decided to apply for this scholarship despite the fact that I had no reason to apply for it. About four weeks after my application, a BYU official called to tell me that I got that scholarship, which paid only 10,000 dollars a year, or a third less than the other scholarship. I didn’t want to tell him then that I had decided to go to Washington because I would disappoint him.

Brigham Young University is located in Provo, Utah.

I had a big decision to make, but it was an obvious decision from everyone else’s perspective. My family and friends advised me to go to Washington because the university was better and the state was better and the scholarship was better. But I felt conflicted because I found I had this desire to go to Utah. For the first time in my life, I decided to ask God to help me to make a decision. After my prayer, there was no doubt left in my heart that I had to go to Utah. I couldn’t get rid of this feeling, which was overpowering. Because of that, and despite the opinion of everyone who was against it, I decided to go to Utah.

At that time I didn’t know anything about “Mormonism,” the main religion in Utah, and the religion which owned the university I was going to join. I had heard some rumors (which later turned out to be untrue) that said that Mormons married more than one wife. The reason for this, as I heard it, was that they were trying to bear as many children as possible so that one of their women would give birth to Christ, who was coming to earth. Most of what I heard about Mormons was so weird that I was scared to live with them. But what shocked me was that I felt part of them as soon as I arrived, because everyone was kind to me. Despite that, I never really felt an interest in exploring religious issues. One day, one of my friends asked me if I wanted to go with her to Church. I went out of a desire to please her. I listened while I was there, but the teachings of the Church were strange to me, so I gave it no more thought.

One day I listened to the Church’s President and Prophet, President Hinckley. I was pleased by what he said, which showed obvious support for the Palestinians. That was the first time that I had seen an American supporting the Palestinian people. I thought to myself that a Church that doesn’t hate the Palestinian people couldn’t be evil. Then one of my friends offered me a Book of Mormon in Arabic. He told me to read some of the chapters and then ask God if what I was reading was true. But I didn’t like the idea of only reading a few parts. So I decided to read the whole book before praying. Consequently I started to read the book. The book wasn’t like I thought it would be, but I loved it in spite of the fact that some parts were hard to understand. I sometimes found something in the Book that would help me to solve a problem. I began to feel that what I was reading in the book was the word of God and was true.

Gordon B. Hinckley was President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1995-2008

I began to go to Church more with my friends and every time I went, I liked its teachings more. And the most important thing that I found was that the Mormons say that God the Father and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are not the same thing, and that they are separate, as I had always believed. And this was just one of the things that I didn’t like in the Church to which I belonged, and which I found was different in this Church. I believed in all the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints immediately because the teachings were clear and wonderful. But the idea of joining the Church had never occurred to me until after going to the baptism of one of my friends from Brazil. I felt the Holy Ghost in a way I never had before and then I knew what I was lacking and what I had to do.

But I realized the implications of what I was doing, and thought to myself: “What will my father and mother and family say?” I decided to tell them and listen to their opinion. I called them on the telephone and told them about my desire to join the Church. My family got very angry and said that I had lost my mind. My mother told me that if I did that, I would end my future, that I would never get married, and that my reputation and the reputation of my family in my village would be destroyed. What my family said broke my heart. I felt peaceful and happy about my decision to join the Church and consequently the opinion of my family saddened me greatly, because I loved my family very much and felt that I would be selfish if I didn’t do what they wanted. So I decided to forget about what I was intending to do. Yes, I knew that this Church was the only true Church, but I wouldn’t do anything about it.

But ignoring the feelings that I was having about the Church proved to be harder than I thought. I continued to go to Church meetings, and as time went on, I loved them more and more. I finished reading the Book of Mormon in the summer of 1995 and I stood to give my testimony for the first time in Church that Fall. I saw shock on the face of my friends who had no idea about my feelings toward the Gospel.

Finally, I could no longer ignore the feelings that I was having, and I desired to be baptized with every fiber of my being. I decided to talk with the Bishop of my church so that he could help me to arrange the times for me to listen to the discussions (which the missionaries give to a person before they join the Church). The response from the Bishop was strange and completely expected. He told me not to get baptized, because if I returned to Palestine I would confront great difficulties. I talked to my roommate and she held the same opinion. But, I thought to myself, what about the will of the Lord? I waited a little while and didn’t stop praying and then I talked to the Bishop again. This time, his opinion had changed, and he said that he also felt that I had to be baptized. But by that time, I had already called the missionaries myself before I heard his new opinion, because I wanted to be baptized and couldn’t wait.

I listened to the discussions, but there was nothing new, because I already knew a lot about the Church by that time. Bryce (who gave me my first copy of the Book of Mormon) came to one of the discussions. He was the one who asked me: “Sahar, are you ready to follow Christ and be baptized as he was baptized?” I knew that he would ask that question, and I knew what I would say, but I froze. I thought to myself, was that really what I was going to do? Did nothing else really matter to me? And did I really understand the covenant I would be making? The response to all of these questions was yes, and so I simply answered, “Yes.”

I was finally baptized in the spring in February of 1996. I wrote a letter to my sister and told her why I did so. She told me that she was ok with it, but not to tell my parents. I did as my sister said, but I then found she had told my parents herself. Their response was better than what I imagined, but they still said that I had lost my mind and that the Mormons had taken control of my thoughts. I worried about returning to my country. I believed that life would be difficult there because everyone told me that it would be that way–especially since I was a member of this Church. But I largely thought that I would be miserable because that’s how I was before going to America. So I didn’t want to return to my country, and I tried by various means to stay in the U.S. But finally I decided that I knew the will of the Lord in this regard. And after my prayer, I felt that I had to return to my country, even though I really didn’t understand why my God wanted me to return!

I returned to Palestine, but it turned out life was wonderful there! I no longer knew why I had been miserable in the past, because I got to live next to the places where Christ was born and lived–and next to the places where he suffered and gave his life as a gift for me. Now I love to live here and I live being a Palestinian. The situation here hasn’t changed a lot, except that we are not subject to curfew now. There are still demonstrations and some are still shot and killed. My country needs peace. I only find this peace in my heart, because I am now always peaceful and happy, despite everything–even when I hear the sound of gunfire, and while my family hates the Church and says bad things about it and about me. This is because I know that I can always kneel in prayer and God promises his perfect love. Lord is always there for me to lift me up and help me when I need it.

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30) How beautiful is the invitation that Jesus gives, and how true. How easy and wonderful life becomes when we follow him. When I look at my life, I see how true this is. I testify to you all that his burden is light, and life with him is easier than you can imagine. If there is a day when your burden is heavy, you have only to ask the Savior to help you, and he will help you and walk with you all the way to the Celestial Kingdom. I hope that everyone obtains the peace that only comes from the King of Peace, Jesus Christ; and that all find the happiness that I found, and I say all of this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. –By Sister Sahar, Bayt Sahur, Palestine